


Guiltless

by lotsofloveann



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28606008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofloveann/pseuds/lotsofloveann
Summary: wilbur never fully understood why he was a disappointment to phil.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Kudos: 58





	Guiltless

**Author's Note:**

> hello! uh, this is my first ever work ever! it's a song fictional based on dodie clark's guiltless. this is also a neglective phil au because i like pain.
> 
> also my other fic is alot better if u like sbi+tubbo (:
> 
> constructive criticism is appreciated! <3

'there is a wall in my life built by you. you opened a door a kid shouldn’t walk through.'

Wilbur had never really knew how exactly how to explain it. He knew he was lucky. That he had everything he could ever possibly want just inches from his fingertips and yet he still didn’t feel normal. Uncomplete in a way. Wilbur knew his dad loved him. Phil wouldn’t have adopted him if he didn’t. So why did he feel like he was a disappointment and unwanted to the man in every way possible? Wilbur had told his therapist, a kind woman named Niki, this. He explained how he always felt like second best in a way. Always falling underneath the importance of his brothers. 

'oh, but im not bitter, im just tired. no use getting angry at the way that you’re wired. ignorant trauma in one afternoon.'

When Niki asked him why he felt like this, he could name hundreds of instances in that one single moment. The time Wilbur has tried to tell Phil of his highest scoring grade in maths yet, only to be ignored in favor of praising Techno. The time he had gotten a bloody nose only to be shushed when bringing it up as Tommy was napping in Phil’s arms. The countless amounts of times his dad would be missing for hours on end, helping Techno with his newest farming project. Every time Phil claimed to be busy. Every time he was with Tommmy. Every time he was with Techno. And as Wilbur slowly slipped through the cracks of his failing grades and declining mental health, he couldn’t help but feel he wouldn’t want to spend time with a failure either.

'and i could never let you know, oh you’d never get it. and now im the one who can’t let go, oh don’t say it’s genetic.'

Phil had picked him up after the session and Wilbur didn’t dare say a word to him. He was feeling far too exhausted to tell Phil how it went. Wilbur watched as he approached Niki, making some sort of small talk. Over the course of a few minutes, Wilbur watched as Phil’s eyes widened. He kept glancing over at Wilbur as if he could never believe what exactly his middle child was feeling. “Surely not.” He heard him mutter to his therapist. “I love all my kids the same, he’s always gotten the same treatment as Tommy and Techno.” Phil was slowly raising his voice and Wilbur took that as an instantaneous cue to leave and go sit in the car. What couldv’e been either three or fifteen minutes pass before Phil finally opens the driver’s door. His eyes were hard but soften when they meet Wil’s. “Let’s go mate.” Phil sighs.

'is it real? you believe you’re guiltless?'

Phil, for the next few days, acted as though nothing happened. Like nothing was wrong with his son. Like he wasn’t the reason why Wil was feeling this way. And Wilbur didn’t bring it up. But as his therapy sessions continued, he felt more and more confused. It was a simple matter of fact that Niki would never lie to him. And he trusted her enough to listen to anything that came out her mouth. And over the span of three months, his mental state was on a steady rise. His grades were finally back up, the highest they had been in years. He had been able to start conversations with Techno again. Was finally able to joke with Tommy. He was able to discuss his issues with them as siblings. Wilbur was finally developing good relations with his family. Well, everyone but his father. 

'oh, i can tell you believe you’re guiltless.'

Wilbur had tried to open up to his father. To express his emotions, to tell him all he learned those months, to even just talk to him. But every time, no matter the conversation starter, Wilbur was shut down immediately. It was becoming clearer than ever that his father wanted nothing to do with him. Even after Wilbur broke down, screaming, crying, shouting, sobbing and begging for a reaction, Phil ignored him. And it all slowly clicked together for Wilbur as he moved out of family home soon after getting accepted into college. His own father refused to accept the fact that he had been the one to fail at making a relationship with his son. That he had been the one to make his own son crumble and fall. 

'but i don’t think i’d feel better if i opened your eyes, i’ll carry your burden ‘til the day that you die. is it real? You believe you’re guiltless?'


End file.
